I finished chemo. I did it. This once monumental task is now behind me. Woohoo! Let’s go! Let’s get on to the next thing. Let’s clean the house, cook nice meals, take care of my to-do lists, plan a couple birthdays, go to parties, get a dog, go on a trip.
Uh….wait a second. Not so fast.
I was so excited to mark this event that I somehow forgot there’s a boatload of drugs coursing through my body. And the fact that the doctor warned me the treatments were cumulative just slipped my mind.
Call it denial, wishful thinking, or maybe my Taurus stubbornness, I’ve pushed through many of the chemo side effects, acting as if everything was ok. Every day I woke up with my older son to get him out the door by 6 am, kept up my exercise routine, prepared all our meals, ran our household like clockwork. Yep, I managed to keep it all going until this week when I got slammed in the face with a dose of reality.
Warning: Rant to follow.
I’m exhausted. Plain and simple. I can barely move. I fall asleep sitting up. My body hurts. I can’t focus. My port tugs at my chest. My finger tips are always numb. I’m cold. Then I’m hot. Food tastes awful, until it doesn’t and then I eat too much and my body can’t handle it and I become bloated and uncomfortable. I’m constipated. I have muscle aches all the time. Oh, and let’s not overlook the steroid mood swings. And I feel completely depleted.
OK- rant done.
I’ll admit, knowing that this was the last chemo, I thought dealing with the side effects would be easier. But this last round hit me like a ton of bricks and I was completely unprepared. Just when I thought I’d figured this whole cancer thing out, I get walloped again.
BUT it IS the last time, so I’m doing my best to keep my eye on the prize. And as I sit here, rubbing my head that is now donning almost a quarter inch of soft peach fuzz hair, I smile.
I can do it. And as I reflect on your cheers of love, support and encouragement, I’m lifted.
I cannot promise a future without rants, but I can promise that with any luck, they will NOT be about chemo! And for that, I’m grateful.