A few days ago my husband got some potentially good news. The same day, my older son got a callback for a network series. And I applied for a casting gig that sounded really exciting.
My energy shifted in the wake of all this potential. I felt excited, open and buzzing with energy. And it got me thinking about the lure of potential. It’s a tricky thing.
We learned early on to not count our chickens before they’d hatched. My husband is an actor/ writer and there can be a lot of talk about good things coming your way. You book a job only to learn it fell through. Your show sells only to learn at the eleventh hour that the deal fell apart. So we’ve had plenty of practice not buying into the good news until the check has cleared.
And yet, after a great meeting, both my husband and I were very excited about the potential of some job security. And I began considering how my son’s job could work out. And how would I fit a casting gig into my already full schedule?
Here’s how it felt for me: I found myself walking on a solid path. The foundation was concrete and I could feel its strength under my feet. But as the days went by and we hadn’t heard any word about my husband’s project or my casting gig, I started to feel as if my solid ground was being transformed. And suddenly I’m walking on a plank, rope bridge, high up in the sky and the planks are falling as I try to cross.
There’s an anxiousness, a shortness of breath, a worry, a fear that creeps in, replacing my energy and excitement as I feel closed and tight.
I would like to find the middle ground, the compromise between buying into the possibilities and hope and the feelings of sadness and tightness.
Or maybe this is exactly how I’m meant to experience these times. The highs are lovely. I enjoy them thoroughly. I begin to dream again about living extravagantly (which for me means being able to buy groceries without a budget or purchasing socks for the family). And the world is sunnier in that time of possibility. I can relax a little more, breathe deeper and delight in the smaller things I am blessed to experience every day.
So maybe there’s nothing wrong with living in the hope and possibility. The conflict in my head is that a part of me must remain in reality or else we won’t survive. But maybe I can just keep a toe in the water of reality. I have an awareness of the facts. We’re still paying our bills, we’ve got food in the refrigerator and we’re safe and healthy.
So today I’m going to choose to continue to live in hope and possibility regardless of the outcome of my husband’s deals, my son’s audition or my casting job. I’m going to surrender to what is right now, in this moment. And I will offer gratitude for all that we are offered, every single day. I will trust that no matter what ground I feel I’m walking on, I am safe. Because as my Spiritual Mentor says, if you’re going to choose to future fantasize, you may as well do it in the positive.
Do you sense your energy shift with good news? What happens in your body? What obstacles or limitations do you sense fall away? And how can you hold in that space throughout, regardless of how the events unfold? I’d love to hear about your experience!